MY DECISION

I’ve made a life changing decision.  Groundbreaking.  No one else has ever taken such a risk before…

I have decided to boycott text messaging!

Now, before Verizon starts to panic, allow me to elaborate.

I am boycotting text messaging as it pertains to courting.

I cannot remember the last time a guy called me to ask me out on a date rather than texting me.

(Actually, I can.  But it ended it disaster.  You can read about it in chapter 43 of “A Series of Very Bad Decisions,” entitled Before We Have Sex, You Need to Shave.)

We ALL rely on text messaging as a flirting mechanism WAY TOO MUCH.  And it needs to stop.  We rely on it so much that we go to a bar and meet a dude who asks for our number and five days later he texts “yo” and the next thing we know we’re planning our wedding before we realize we haven’t spoken to this person since meeting him.

Don’t get me wrong – I love texting.  It’s so convenient.  Sometimes you’re at a bar and it’s loud and the table next to you is full of asshole Buckeye fans that keep screaming “O-H-I-O” so you’re not exactly able to talk to people so yes, I agree that it’s important.

But – when you meet someone and all they want to do is TEXT you – that’s where I draw the line (or, am as of now).

Texting is our ultimate crutch.  Instead of actually CALLING someone that we’d like to date, we hide behind the “SEND SMS” feature that we all have on our phones.

Okay – listen.  I’m sure that if you’re knocked on your ass crazy in love with someone, the thought of calling them can be scary.  But, what is the point of taking risks if you don’t take risks?  Wait, what am I talking about?

Here’s the thing:  When I was seven or eight, I called my uncle’s then girlfriend (now wife) at her apartment, when I knew my uncle was there, to ask to speak to him, and then subsequently ask him when he was going to propose.  I have apparently been making inappropriate phone calls since 1989, so calling up a dude to ask him on a date is no big deal to me.

All we’re asking for is effort.  Example:  My friend Jerod is dating a lovely girl and is making sure she KNOWS he’s interested.  For example:  we’re all in line to get into the Kennedy museum when she texts him to tell him she finished her last final.  What does he do?  He CALLS her to tell her how proud of her his is.  Okay, let’s review- she texted him and he called her.  A simple gesture that probably meant a lot and showed her how interested he was.  How is this rocket science?

Now you’re probably thinking: “if you like someone, why don’t you call HIM, dumbass?”  Well – joke is on you because I did and nothing happened.

So my new experiment is to not respond to solicitous text messages.  If that means I have to sit at home on a Friday night watching the Golden Girls, well, I’d probably be doing that anyway.  I’m just tired of us hiding behind a keypad.   Before texting and cell phones, we had to make an actual effort – why are we so opposed to doing that now?