Text Message Translation Generator

Well, not really but…it has been brought to my attention that there is a web site out there, HeTexted, where random chickadees post texts they get from guys and then ask for advice to interpret them.

I mean…I just…WHAT?

Pasting the text into Google and hitting search would garner the same results.  I am at a loss for words that this web site exists.

Here are some examples of what chicas are submitting:
So, after posting the screen grab of the text (which, by the way, you can tweet, add to Facebook, or “pin”), it ends with “So now I’m wondering…” and they ask a question and readers submit their advice.  You also have the option to “ask a bro.”

Why in asinine website hell does this fucking joke of a site exist?  I don’t mean to be harsh (wait, yes I do), but if you have to ask what he meant, the answer is always HE DOESN’T FUCKING LIKE YOU, MOVE THE FUCK ON.

Yes, I’m bitter and jaded, why do you ask?

In the above example, he says exactly what he means – he wants to have sex without a commitment.  She’s wondering the following (cut and pasted so the grammatical errors are NOT mine): i still havent heard from him two days after this. what is going on?

Here are some of the gem responses:

(This person clearly has a Ph.D in fucking Text Messaging and Your Relationship.)

A. Don’t have these type of conversations via text message. At the very least say your thoughts/worries over email. It will always end badly and lead no where.

B. Keeping in mind this is out of context…you didn’t ask if there was something wrong (again, better question to ask in person), you also assumed he was a manwhore immediately based on his ‘strange’ behavior. The entire exchange is passive aggressive.

C. If he is ignoring you and there is nothing serious going on, then do the same; The chasing should be mutual. Not being serious means you both get to do whatever you want and not be questioned about it when you’re together.

D. Get him in person and just be direct about what you both want. Come to a compromise or go your separate ways.

(This response was clearly written by John Doe and talking about me – yet it’s simple and accurate):

Stop being a floozy and annoying him.

(This response is fucking delusional):

He likes you more than he wants to.

No he does NOT  like you more than he wants to, that’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard in my life.  When John Doe’s friend told me, “he pushes away the people he cares about the most,” I think she was just trying to placate my crazy.

Here’s another one:

Um, okay, chica girl, if he can’t even TEXT you that he loves you, that’s a problema.  And here’s what she’s wondering:

…SO NOW I’M WONDERING?

I’ve been with him for 3 years…. All I get is awe. Is he in to me? Or not really? I was always good and loyal never did anything… I just feel strange that there’s not more than that or are guys like that?
And the responses:
(This one is making my eyes bleed so I can’t comment on the actual advice):
cut all contacts with him.. don’t initiate any conversation anymore, if he cares abt u he would so anything to get u back( even coming right to ur work place or house).. if he doesn’t txt or anything then seriously ask urself y the fuck he still matters to u., u don’t need a guy like that in ur life.. there MUST b a guy who says I love u to u every single day.. just try ignoring him completely for a couple weeks and see how he reacts
(This one is spot on, submitted by a dude):
If you need a website to tell you how the guy you’ve been with for three years feels about you, it’s not a good sign for the rel.
Thank you, random dude, for making my point – if you need a WEBSITE to tell you how a person feels about you, all signs point to you need to get a fucking hobby.
(This one was submitted from someone born in the 1800’s):
Generally, guys arnt that willing to show there emotions as it is seen as feminen, but if you have been togeather for 3 years you have the right to expect it, just not all the time.
(This response is the best):
All I have to say to you… FIND ANOTHER MAN
Okay, I get that sometimes you just need to vent and whine and unleash your heartbreak on the internet but COME ON.  I can’t wrap my head around the concept of this site.  Guys say what they mean – really.  Then we take it, turn into another language, and spend four hours trying to interpret its meaning when the original was all you ever needed to know.
This one might be my favorite:
SERIOUSLY?
I can’t even….

…SO NOW I’M WONDERING?

ok so…i like REALLY like this guy. we have a great connection, and i’m really falling for him. i really want to get to know him better but he is always so busy with work and lives thirty three miles away. should i move closer?? i think this could really work out but i dont want to move all the way out there and have my heart broken. thoughts??
(This is the best response EVER):
Reading stuff like this makes me sad. It sucks being ‘that girl.’ Whatever you do, do NOT text him again. DO NOT.
(Or maybe this one is):
Grade A douchebag. SHUT IT DOWN.
(No, I think it is this one):
Are you nuts? Why would you suggest meeting your parents? He said nah to that and you said Miss you???? He probably thinks you’re crazy! I think he’s “cool” with sex but not any other part of you……..you gotta find someone else and maybe go on some dates and introduce him to your rents before you jump into bed with him…
(This person is awesome and probably shares my opinion about 50 Shades of WTF):
I don’t think the comment ‘sex was cool’ can be any more degrading. Please, never talk to him again, unless he has an EXTREME PERSONALITY CHANGE. I mean like, something completely life-altering.
Actually, I am pretty sure that is word-for-word what Katie has told me about JD, Mr. Titspervert, etc etc etc.  Lather rinse repeat.  Maybe I hate this site so much because it’s my love life flashing before my eyes.
Yeah, that’s probably it.
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One thought on “Text Message Translation Generator

  1. This one was a great find! I was laughing the whole time. Guys aren’t complicated unless we are trying to get away with something or trying to hide something.

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