Emotional Russian Roulette

Well, not really, but my subconscious hates me!

Even though I haven’t seen or talked to John Doe in around six months, he was in my dream last night, and my subconscious was NOT kind to me.

Basically our parents were meeting and BFFs because him and I were going to build a life together – I mean, literally the exact opposite of reality in every possible way.  Very few times I wake up and immediately want to cry, but today was one of them.  I haven’t thought about him in a while but that didn’t stop some part of me deciding to go ahead and drag me back to 2007.  That’s cool, whatever.

Don’t you worry, I am not clinging to the hope that he’ll every change his mind, but I think what’s truly prevented me from fully accepting that and moving on is because I’m lacking any type of closure.  It’s more gutting than anything that we can’t be friends or have a normal, adult conversation.  And I know I need to just realize it will never happen but it makes me so sad.  On the bright side, it’s almost 1 pm and I’ve refrained from crying at work, so there’s that.

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