I am no longer testing the gator-infested waters of online dating, but Susan, bless her heart, is. Though, the dating scene in Chicago and New Hampshire are vastly different, I’d imagine, she just got the funniest, most creative message ever. It actually made me laugh out loud.
Behold:
After a rigorously brief overview of your profile I wanted to let you know that I have decided to marry and divorce you inside my mind.
Thanks for all the imaginary memories. You will always have a special place in my heart.
Your Ex-Hubby,
Weeeez
P.S. I get to keep the beach house in Florida. You can keep the over weight cat.
I mean – is that not hysterical? It takes the all the pressure of meeting someone completely out of the picture. It’s saying “hey – you’re cool, and we might get along, but nothing in life is guaranteed.” Or something. At least, that’s how I am reading it. Sometimes things end, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun during. I don’t know, I’m tired.
The reason this message is so cool is that it also doesn’t include any of the normal boilerplate shit that people put in first messages: hey, I went to Ohio State, I love biking, I’m a software engineer and every March I go to Mexico with my Delta Tau Delta frat bros.
(For example)
Anyway, bravo to this dude, for proving that it’s okay if we don’t take ourselves too seriously.
A Series of Very Bad Decisions 
This guy is dangerous. My friend let slip in a message what bar we were at, turned him down for drinks at his place, and next thing we know he’s followed us to her housing area (apparently waited in the parking lot for us), and we had a very scary 30 minutes including a nasty text message saying “You ruined it” after a cat and mouse chase leading to a main road, where we met with the Police. He’s still out there, do not, under any circumstance, reply to this guy. Also, I got almost the same message, and he called me his ex-wifey and said we were in a fight but should reconcile. Very funny, and very dangerous.