All the single ladies

broken_heart_anti_valentines_day_17 Since today is Valentine’s Day and since I have NEVER IN MY LIFE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT WARRANTED A 2/14 CELEBRATION, I wanted to instead look at the bright side of being single on this craptastic holiday. For instance:

  1. There is no pressure whatsoever. “Will he like his gift? Does my underwear match my bra? Does it have holes in it? Did I shave? Why for the love of god did I forget to get a manicure? Does this shirt make my hair look frizzy?” Us single gals don’t have to worry about any of these things.
  2. It’s an excuse to celebrate with your single friends. What other day of the year gives you a better excuse to collect a group of single friends to troll the bars ultimately looking to score? Chicago has an annual “Fuck Valentine’s Day” bar crawl, and while I have never participated (Durkins? Pass. Duffy’s? Maybe if I were 25), I have done fun things with my friends that made the day just as fun without all the formalities.
  3. If you had a bad day and you just want to go home and put on sweatpants, you can! There is no one there to say, “BUT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO TO LOU MALNATI’S AND THEN TO SEE SAFE HAVEN, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?”
  4. It’s a stupid holiday, who cares?
  5. But that doesn’t mean I won’t support you should you choose to celebrate it.
  6. Another thing about the pressure – depending on the phase of the relationship, are you going to over-analyze celebrating this day? Do you both have the same expectations? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN????
  7. You won’t have this happen to you (my GOD I would be pissed enough to retract my “yes”).

Being single on V-Day really isn’t the worst thing in the world. Sure in high school it got you the side-eye from the popular bitches who made fun of you for being flat chested, but in the real world, no one cares, and it has nothing to do with anything. At least, that’s what I am telling myself for the 55th consecutive year or whatever.

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