On the morning of my recent nose job, (before and after obviously above, thank you Dr. Steven Dayan, you’re my new favorite person), just as I was getting settled into the pre-surgery area what have you, the nurse came back in to tell me she’d forgotten to give me a pregnancy test.
Stepping back a few years (okay, four), when I was in the Children’s Hospital ER with my broken ankle, they also made me take one before they would x-ray me. And my response was, “can’t you just take my word for it?” since I knew that I wasn’t. But apparently they could not, so I had to walk to the bathroom on my broken ankle to get the results I already knew. You know you’ve hit rock bottom sitting alone in the Children’s Hospital ER at 2 a.m, when you’re 28, alone, watching Ratatouille and waiting for the results of your pregnancy test.
This time around it was the same deal, and also, since you can’t consume liquid starting at midnight the night before surgery, it’s kind of like trying to squeeze water out of a rock in order to get the job done but that’s cool.
I have a point, I promise. The point being I haven’t been on a date since like…February or something, and am happy about it. I am over the drama and bad first dates where you’re all, “I got out of my pajamas for THIS?” OR, even worse, I am over the amazing first dates that turn into nothing and then you’re all, “okay, so I obviously fucked up AND misjudged that one but I don’t know why, awesome.”
I have not made an effort to meet guys. I have not rejoined OKCupid or even gotten my flirt on recently. I probably forgot how anyway. But normally this would be depressing.
When John Doe randomly showed up at my birthday party last month, I fled as fast as I could into a cab because I am sick of the emotional repercussions of that merry-go-round.
So not stressing out over non-relationships or over-analyzing stupid shit ALA Carrie Bradshaw has kept me relatively stress free during this period of unemployment. I’ve traveled to see family, I’ve had surgery to fix a nose I’ve hated since ever, and I’m not pregnant. Life isn’t so bad.