My friend is trying OKCupid again, and we’re keeping official stats this time as a mini study. And we’ll get back to you with the semi-sort-of-official results in a couple of weeks, but in the interim, here’s what she has to work with:
1st message:
Perfect cuddle size? That could also be described as fun size or bite size. :-X
You have strawberry blonde hair which probably means that sunblock is your best friend, but can pull off wearing warm colors like beige and orange. That’s all I got for that. What else is unique to you about being a ginger?
Where are you going for the hot air balloon ride? Are you doing that in NH?
Comparing her to what I can only assume is a candy bar and then talking about colors that match her hair? Can we say…WTF? As she said to me over G-Chat:
Look, I get it – first messages can be awkward and it can take you four hours to construct the four most perfect sentences you’ve ever written, only to get no response (which is why I gave up) so I am not saying I can do any better. But, you have to give us something to work with here. Also, I don’t want to get into grammatical snobbery, but the second sentence is structured as if the sunblock can pull off those colors, not my friend. I believe we call that a misplaced modifier? (No wonder I’m alone).
She did not respond, so he sent a second message:
For some reason, I am going to take a stab in the dark and guess that you’ve had excellent luck on this site finding someone who’s incredibly gorgeous and everything else you’ve ever dreams of. 😉
She and I felt it was dripping in passive aggressive sarcasm, however others disagree.
Either way, we have yet another example of how awkward online dating can be – can some people who have met significant others this way offer some tips??
A Series of Very Bad Decisions 
Well, was he at least cute?
I don’t know, maybe I’m a loser, but this guy could be oddly charming. Or just good practice. When I was on Match (for all of three months) my best friend and I took the stance that most dates, possible dates, conversations, etc. are just practice. So you get really good at navigating the awkwardness and comfortable doing one of the most uncomfortable things in the world. But maybe he thought he was being cute with beige and orange, two colors he probably saw on a redheaded model in Maxim? Or maybe I’m broken and when I should be all, “Danger, Will Robinson!” I’m, “Aww, well maybe he’s funny in person!”
As for my experience, I ain’t got much. But the guy who was wildly charming and funny and a fireman (FIREMAN)? Turned out to be a drip with an ego in real life. (How can you be conceited and boring at the SAME TIME?)
The guy who awkwardly asked me out with a three sentence message on MySpace, after I had met him twice and spoken about five sentences to him ever? Married him.
Yup, probably broken.