Do you remember how in Season 2 of Grey’s Anatomy, McDreamy basically calls Meredith a whore even though he has no right to do that because he chose Addison over her and therefore cannot get mad at her for sleeping with lots of inappropriate men? Here is a refresher:
Angry for no reason? Or at least angry for a reason of which he is unwilling to admit? Well, that’s kind of how I feel right now with B3. I faced the wrath this morning. I was upset because we had plans last night to talk and he blew me off, so when I told him I was upset he kind of unleashed his wrath on me. It devolved fairly quickly, from last week telling me he missed me and we were being a bit flirty over text to him saying this morning that he wants nothing from me, including friendship. But I don’t know why he’s so mad at me since I’m the one who was wholeheartedly rejected. I told him that I would not apologize for falling for him. I am not at all saying I’m not to blame for some of this, what I don’t understand is why of all of sudden he’s so mad at me, and for what reason?
The utter lack of communication is not helping. The texting only is not helping. We’ve only ever had ONE phone conversation. It’s dysfunction junction.
I think it’s time to give up dating and shift my focus back to the book.
I got up at 3:30 to catch my 6:30am flight out of the Ontario airport, which is like LA, but without the cluster fuck. I’m sitting at Carl’s Jr. drinking mediocre coffee and attempting to eat a breakfast sandwich that looks kind of suspicious. Elvis’s Blue Christmas is playing, which seems appropriate. Traveling alone kind of amplifies all these recent woes.
On Saturday night I called my mom, SOBBING about B3 and how much I was missing him. She said something to me that was kind of perfect. I said to her that I felt guilty for being so upset because it had only been two months and lots of people go through much more serious breakups/divorces so what was I really so upset about because in the grand scheme of things it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. She said, “yes but it’s YOUR grand scheme of things and that’s why it’s a dig deal.” I guess we really need to remember that apologizing for our feelings is pointless because they are ours and no one else’s.
This is something I hope we all can remember. Merry Christmas, everyone!
My blogging has been in ruins since I fried my laptop. I’m posting this from my iPad. I can’t elaborate on the fuckeduptitude (new word) of what happened with B3. However, I would like to briefly revisit B1. I’d been here in California about three days when we had our date. We met at 2pm. At 3:15, I texted my friend, “OMG I love him.” Is that some kind of world record? Now, I am just reminded of Sassy Gay Friend. Look at your life. Look at your choices.