Your options are as follows:
- Skip watching the game altogether and host a Sex and the City wine viewing party.
- Go to each team’s roster and add up the number of players who went to your alma mater plus the school you transferred from and whichever team’s total is higher that’s the team you root for. Active players only – no practice squad, folks.
- When you realize the result is a 3-3 tie, come up with a tiebreaker – root for the team with the fewest players from Ohio State (or whichever school you hate the most). In this case the Ravens are the clear winner: 0 to SF’s 4.
- Run this scientific formula by a random jackass 49ers fan who will tell you it sucks and the Ravens are going to get blown out.
- Realize that thousands of people are spending the entire week in New Orleans promoting and covering this game from more angles than the Kama Sutra. Again begin to philosophize the importance of sports and why we invest so much time, money, energy and emotion into them.
I’m not saying sports aren’t important – on numerous levels, they are. But when you’re NFL team got bitch slapped out of the playoffs (even after a 10-6 season), it’s easy to be bitter and uninterested. Will I watch it anyway? Of course – if for nothing else – the commercials will be interesting and hopefully not awful.
On the bright side, no matter what happens, it can’t be as excruciating as the 2008 Super Bowl where the Patriots botched 19-0 and then of course last year when the Giants once AGAIN had their number. There is something to be said for being able to watch a sporting event stress-free.