Relief

Tonight, Jerry Sandusky was found guilty of 45 of the 48 sexual abuse charges against him – and thankfully,  bail was revoked.  The longer the jury deliberated, the more nervous I was.  Had I been on the jury, I would have pushed for a guilty verdict in 47 seconds.  I could barely follow the story in detail because it was so disturbing.  It baffles me that a monster like that could exist.

I’m working on a book – a book that will delve into my mistakes and my heartbreak.  There were times when I was lying on my bathroom floor in tears.  Lying in my bead in tears.  Fighting back tears at work.  In constant agony because JigSaw never loved me back.  But here’s the thing – throughout these past five years, I’ve been safe.  I’ve had enough money.  I’ve been loved by my friends and family.  At no point in my life has a monster taken advantage of me in his basement.  The worst thing that’s happened to me was losing my Grandpa Chuck, my favorite person on the planet, to lung cancer in 2005.  My life is not all that bad.

And most importantly – I have four nieces and a nephew.  They are healthy and happy and amazing and beautiful and have amazing parents.  And mark my words – if anyone ever tries to hurt my ladies or my gentleman, I will go Lorena Bobbit on them, and I know a good defense lawyer, so don’t test me.  No one hurts the people I love.

I hope that at the very least, this verdict  will help the victims find peace and closure.  I hope Jerry Sandusky has to suffer eleventy billion times the physical and emotional pain he caused his victims.  Suicide watch for him is a good idea – he deserves to suffer and not take the easy way out.

It is time for this nightmare to be over.

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